


Murder Me Not

by kittykais



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Don't try this at home kids, Fluff, Hero!Seungmin, Hurt and comfort, Hwang Hyunjin is a Sweetheart, Jeongin's Hyunjin's little brother, M/M, Mental Health Issues, No happy endings, Panic Attacks, Psychology, Seungmin has Problems, Thoughts of Suicide, Villain!Hyunjin, Yeeet, although there will be some violence in here because, and proper labels only come at the end, and that's okay, be sAFE EVERYONE, cause they survive!!!, except with a twist, fluff at the end!, i realize that this is no more much of a hero/villain trope, i would tell you not to worry but um, its more like psychological stuff, lots and lots of fluff at the end, may be triggering for people!, mental breakdowns, mentions of bullying, mostly stolen kisses in the midst of fights, ppl gonna die, romance and fluff in the form of jeonglix, so i lost a bet, the backstories are shitty even though i dont like say them rip, they really do uwu, this is for you pri, well...violence ya know, yeah happy endings only for jeonglix
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:08:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24953539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittykais/pseuds/kittykais
Summary: “You’re a murderer, Seungmin. You’re addicted to death.”OR: Hero/Villain trope with a twist :DWARNING: This may be triggering for people, please read the tags! Seungmin does have Mental Health Issues and there are references to bullying, drinking, and other things. Stay safe, everyone!READ. THE. TAGS. i have updated them :DStarring: Good Villain! Hyunjin, Bad Hero! SeungminFeaturing: Jeongin as Hyunjin's younger brother and an amazing Lee Felix(i lost a bet and now i'm invested. welp)comment please! i'll always respond!
Relationships: Hwang Hyunjin/Kim Seungmin, Lee Felix/Yang Jeongin | I.N
Comments: 55
Kudos: 33





	1. Murder Me

**Author's Note:**

> again, I'm sorry this is repetitive, but please. be. careful. this entire work has mentions of triggers, so if you do have any it's probably best not to read. I'm repetitive because it's important to be, even if it comes off as annoying. Everyone, please stay safe. 
> 
> have fun~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again. i lost a bet! this is for pri, the angel who decided to write me one more oneshot than she needed to cause she's pri and she likes to write oneshots. lmao  
> DISCLAIMER: this entire thing will have violence (not graphic), and psychological stuff that is probably not true and talks a lot about killing. Yes I'm kinda creeped out. 
> 
> have fun~

Note Before You Read:

So. This the actual chapter, as I'm sure you have figure out now. What this actually _is_ , however is the beginning of a game. I've created a universe for my fics and this is just the beginning (or maybe even the end). Honestly I'm trying to sound like dramatic and cool but I'm failing so I'll just get to it okay?

  * This is a Universe
  * all of my fics are connected. Every. Single. One. Of. Them (so far lmao)
  * some, like _you're the A to my T, darling we complement each other perfectly ;)_ and _*insert title here*_ , _you're my wave (crash your lips against mine)_ the Cuppa series aren't important. And yes those are most of my fics leave me alone. 
  * Most of my fics now don't add much plot into the _entire_ plot of my universe that I have planned out, which is why the ones listed above^ don't play a huge role in things. Most of them are simply snapshots of the bigger picture.
  * The fics that _are_ important (to an extent) are: 
    * From Me To You (the series)
    * Murder Me Not
    * sunlight (which I am no longer updating until I finish a lot more of my fics and I have a clear plan outlined..sadly I made it extremely important so rip me)
    * this list will be updated as I come out with new fics (don't expect anything soon I have too many wip that I need to finish)
  * NOTE: i will specify it if a fic is not part of the universe in the summary of the work. (If it's supernatural or aliens or whatnot, it's probably not part of the universe) I will also make mistakes (i'm a child people be gentle) so if you catch any, please tell me!
  * yes this is confusing
  * This is a Game. I will have hints as to what role each of my fics play. For the important ones, there will be many more hints. For the ones that are merely snapshots, there will only be one or two in the entire work, as they are not very important to the plot and you do not have to know the universe to read them. 
  * whoever can figure out what each fic's role is or how it plays into the universe gets brownie points! (and maybe a oneshot) of course, it's only a game because I like to see it as such, it's just a big mess of theories and linked fics that I did on a whim. if you have any theories, any at all please tell me in the comments I love to hear from you guys!!
  * also! all of my works that I co-author in the future will Not be in the universe. 
  * honestly I think that's it hhhhh. if i forgot anything, I'll update this!!



This chapter is posted as a new chapter or work for all of my updating fic/series (murder me not, cuppa, here). If you have any questions at all, comment! 

or to to my tumblr, which is [https://welcome-to-shitposting.tumblr.com/ ](https://welcome-to-shitposting.tumblr.com/)

chipriamy have a group blog here: <https://ao3-skz-recs.tumblr.com/>

(follow us and give us clout, their individual tumblrs are listed there as well)

I have the basics of the universe planned out so I'm just hoping that everything will go to plan hhhhh (i'm scared but also excited uwu yay) 

also (again) this universe is continuing (in some way or the other) until i graduate from college (i'm entering high school in end august, for reference) which means about 8 more years! (I'm going to hope I keep it up for that long but knowing me I probably will be). lmao anyways buckle up folks, _it's going to be a long ass ride_.

i love you all! talk to me! scream at me! :D (im just continuously rechecking to see if i missed smth welp)

also there are six main plot points:

  * the beginning
  * the first tragedy
  * the seed
  * the beginning again
  * the second tragedy
  * the beginning of another end



**all of my fics can be read as stand alones, you can completely ignore the universe if you would like.**

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hyunjin cursed softly as he creeped around a bright blue ceramic vase. It was empty, not a drop of water in it, nor any flowers to let it serve its original purpose. Why did rich people even _like_ to put their ridiculously overpriced, _empty_ , vases on display where anyone could potentially knock them over and lose a couple thousand dollars? (And maybe even their _lives_ , if they pissed off the right person.)

Hyunjin breathed in and out softly, praying to all the stars that he didn’t get caught. His body was still bruised from last week’s expedition, purple and blue marring his body from the force of the woman’s punches. If he focused properly, he would still be able to feel the ghost of her punches, the lingering pain that never seemed to go away. 

Exhaling, Hyunjin cleared his head. There was no time to dwell on the past. He needed to _focus._ The kitchens. He needed to get to the kitchens. He just needed some food. A little bit more milk and maybe some apples. That was all he needed, all he needed from this house. 

The walls creaked around him, as if warning him not to go further, to _stop_. Hyunjin ignored them, ignored the slight bending of the wood under his torn shoes, or the soft pads of a cat behind him. His eyes focused on the metal door in front of him. The kitchens. 

Inwardly, he cringed. Who would need a _door_ to their kitchen? How rich did someone have to be to have all of these useless items inside their multi million mansion? He was almost to the kitchen door..it was only a few more feet away and he’d finally be able to get some food for Jeongin. He wouldn’t have to steal anything for another week at least. He was almost there. 

The lights flicked on. 

Hyunjin cursed and sprinted into the kitchen, grabbing handfuls of whatever he could and shoving it into his bag. He knew he wasn’t going to get away, that this was a _hero_ ’s mansion, and that he probably already had a squad of thirty huge, buff, security guards blocking every single exit. The entire house was in an uproar, alarms blaring above him, behind him and under him. He was most likely surrounded, judging from the footsteps thundering down the hallways. 

Suddenly, a loud voice cut through the house, echoing through the building and commanding all respect and attention. “Everyone, go back to your houses and your beds. Do not hunt. I will find him _myself_. Understood? Good. If i hear that he’s dead before I get to him, everyone within the premises will have their graves dug by the end of Tuesday night.” The voice turned off, and once again, the house was silent. 

Keeping his worn leather bag close to his chest, Hyunjin hid behind a grandfather clock. He was skinny enough to fit in the thin gaps, hopefully discreet enough to go unnoticed. He could hear all the servants and the workers moving around, muttering to themselves as they crept back to their quarters. He was safe from them, safe...for now. 

A cat’s footsteps padded down the hallway in front of him, the tip taps of its paws getting closer and closer. Hyunjin stopped breathing. There was no doubt that this cat was the hero’s. 

He shouldn’t have come here today. 

Kim Seungmin was the last house he hadn’t robbed. It’s his last option, unless he wants to go back to Seungmin’s neighbor’s house, which now had _double_ the security since his last visit. Now he’s sure that that would have been a much better choice than this. 

Seungmin’s one of those heroes that everyone loves. He’s the hero who everyone admires, respects. He’s the hero that has done the most for their country. He’s everyone’s dream, dreams and nightmare. 

And he’s right next to Hyunjin. 

_Shit._

“Hello, my darling thief.” The warm voice purrs. Hyunjin whimpers softly. He’s going to die today. And there isn’t anything he can possibly do about it. 

“Why don’t you do us both a favor and get yourself out of that little hiding spot you’ve shoved yourself in, hmm?” Seungmin’s voice was syrup, warm and tantalizing and oh so sweet, drawing him out of the crevice with simple, little touches. He knew he was going to die today, so he might as well go doing the one thing he’s wanted to do since he first set eyes on Seungmin. 

Hyunjin kisses him, pressing every inch of his body onto Seungmin’s, pushing him back into the wall. Seungmin kissed him back, smirking against Hyunjin’s lips. 

Hyunjin reached back into his pants for his knife, tensing when he felt Seungmin do the same. The silk of Seungmin’s fitted pajamas was smooth against his rough palms as he ran a hand along the younger’s body to find a weapon. There seemed to only be one, the knife that the younger was holding in his hand, now pressed against Hyunjin’s throat. 

Hyunjin chuckled dryly.

His own knife was pressed against Seungmin’s throat, their lips separated but close enough. Hyunjin could see the desire in Seungmin’s eyes. The desire to _kill._

Hyunjin growled against the sharp blade of the knife. A cat- no a _dog_ was next to Seungmin’s a tiny ball of floof that was looking up at Hyunjin with a glint in its eyes that Hyunjin did not like one bit. 

“You’re fucked up, Kim Seungmin.”

Seungmin pressed the blade harshly into Hyunjin’s throat. Hyunjin grinned. “All you want to do..is kill. Kill the people who have caused you pain. But now, now you’re gone too far, haven’t you? You-” Hyunjin choked, head hanging back as he stared at the man under him. 

“I’ll kill you, Hyunjin.” Seungmin hissed, eyes red from the lights around them. “I’ll kill you and no one will notice. Not a single person.”

Hyunjin’s breathing became heavier, chest heaving with the amount of energy it took to breathe. 

Seungmin whipped out another knife- from the grandfather clock, Hyunjin realized, far too late and tried to drive it in Hyunjin’s side. Hyunjin cried out, but managed to kick Seungmin away from his bruised body. He coughed, removing the knife from his throat while Seungmin recovered from the kick to his stomach. It wouldn’t take long- Hyunjin was weak, all skin and bones. 

He needed to get out. 

Hyunjin needed to leave before Seungmin went completely feral and destroyed half of his property and then some. 

Seungmin lifted himself up from the wall, advancing quickly on Hyunjin, licking his lips. It was far too late. The dog at Seungmin’s feet barked thrice, high pitched yips that had Hyunjin’s ears ringing. 

He ran. 

Hyunjin ran all the way back to the entrance, the sounds of Seungmin’s laughs and footsteps haunting his every step. The way the younger’s eyes had flashed, the way he seemed to drink in the fear in Hyunjin’s eyes, the way he loved to torture his victims before killing them.

Seungmin wasn’t okay, and Hyunjin was the only one who knew it. 

\---

Hyunjin wakes up in his bed with his head pounding and side aching. He’s back home and he’s alive. He toys with the idea of thinking that he’s just had a nightmare. Unfortunately for him, the events from yesterday night weren’t a dream, judging by the way there seems to be blood seeping from the bandages on his side. 

Hyunjin doesn’t even try to sit up from his spot on the bed, lest Jeongin come in screaming at him for over exerting himself yet again. Hyunjin smiles at the thought of his little brother, who’s hopefully already eaten.

There’s a small stick next to the bed, as well as a glass of water and three slices of apple. He reaches out for the glass of water, bringing it to his lips so he can feed the cool liquid down his throat. It stings, but it’s a wonderful kind of pain- the kind of pain that lets him know that he’s _alive_.

Jeongin’s probably at school, which means Hyunjin has the entire day to heal and prepare himself. The wound on his side is only a stab, and a shallow one at that, which means that he should be up and about in a few more hours. 

Their house isn’t something most people would _want_ to live in, but it’s all Hyunjin has. A tiny, one room apartment with a tiny kitchenette, a bathroom, and two cots. 

Hyunjin mentally prepares himself for the pain of moving, squeezing his eyes close. A strangled cry tumbles out of him as he slowly lifts himself up an inch or two, leaning against the wall and breathing harshly. A cut this shallow shouldn’t hurt as much as it is. 

Hyunjin ignores the pain and reaches for an apple slice, popping it in his mouth and chewing slowly. He doesn’t know what all he managed to retrieve in his hussle at the kitchen, but it’s probably enough food to feed him and Jeongin for at least two weeks, maybe a month if they push it. 

Hyunjin hates that they even _have_ to push it

They shouldn’t have to be living like this, in a subtle amount of filth while rich pricks like Seungmin (who _kills_ people for a living, mind you) lives in huge mansions and has _three_ jars of Nutella in his kitchen. 

One jar of Nutella easily costs $100,000, so to have _three_ is unbelievable. It shouldn’t have to be like this. 

It really shouldn’t. 

There’s a kind of calm that comes with leaning against a wall, eating an apple. He’s safe here, in his ratty little apartment that would likely fall down if someone just _touched_ it. Kim Seungmin is his only threat, and he won’t kill Hyunjin outright. 

You come to know things when you’ve been watching a person for months. You see how they act in awkward situations. You see how well they do their job. You see their greatest desire in their eyes. 

Seungmin won’t kill Hyunjin. 

Not like this. 

Hyunjin knows he’s right when the door of his apartment bangs open and there’s a snarling man shooting towards him with a knife in his hand. 

You just _know_ , and he does too. 

Hyunjin stops the blade right before it comes to his throat and kicks Seungmin away from him before any of the other weapons on the slender man can come to good use. Hyunjin heaves himself up, wincing as he tries to ignore the burning pain in his side or the wet feeling of blood through his bandages. 

Seungmin comes at him again, nothing but fury in his eyes. It’s highly likely that Seungmin doesn’t know why he’s this upset- all Hyunjin did was steal some food. It shouldn’t be this big of a problem. Hyunjin knows why Seungmin’s mad, but how will their problems come to an end when the killer himself doesn’t know why he kills?

Hyunjin grabs a pole from under his bed and slams it hard over Seungmin’s head. He got lucky- Seungmin’s knife is embedded into the weak wall behind him, right where his hand would be. Hyunjin isn’t a talented fighter, not like Seungmin is, but there’s a reason he’s been able to survive this long. There’s a reason for everything, and Seungmin needs to stop prancing around like a mindless goose and _pay attention_. 

It seems that Seungmin has been tamed for now, the beast inside the man is no longer rearing up against his humanity, instead it has shrunk back down and allowed Seungmin’s clarity to return. 

It’s interesting to see how Seungmin’s eyes clear, the foggy clouds in them part to let the normal brown show through. Hyunjin drops back on his cot and eats another slice of apple. It’s just as juicy as the last slice, and a bit of apple juice slides down Hyunjin’s chin. Seungmin watches it, entranced while Hyunjin stares warily at the man on the floor. 

“Why are you here?” Hyunjin asks, hooded eyes glaring at the hero. Seungmin’s temper flares up again, it seems, because a bit of haze is back in his eyes. “Because you aren’t dead yet.” He growls, hands fisting at his sides. 

Hyunjin has all of Seungmin’s weapons at his side- all the weapons that he could find, that is. There’s a reason Seungmin’s the most renowned hero in the country- and it’s not because his parents practically own half of Korea. No, it’s because Seungmin is _good_ at what he does, smart enough to play as a hero just so that he can taste the victory of death on his lips. 

“Why do you want to kill me so badly, Kim Seungmin?”

Seungmin rolls his eyes and scoffs. Ah, there it is. He’s known to have an attitude, wit and snark usually the ones torturing his enemies. Mirth shines in his eyes. For a second, Hyunjin is scared. Scared of what this man can do to him if he simply put his mind to it. Kim Seungmin could gut him like a fish in a matter of seconds, and he could behead him in less. The fact that he _doesn’t_ says more than words could ever. 

“You could kill me in less than a second if you wanted to. You could have killed me in your mansion if you wanted to. You could have let your security guards capture me and hand me to you so you could murder me. You can do what you want in a split second, and yet you’re here. Why.”

Hyunjin didn’t usually go around tempting both fate and death within the week, but he needs to know _why_. Why Seungmin likes to kill so often. Why people haven’t realized it. And how he can help. Because curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it right back. 

“Sit down.” Hyunjin says, after the silence between stretches so long that it breaks. Seungmin eyes him. “What?” Hyunjin rolls his eyes and points to the second cot in the room. “Sit down and _listen_ to me. No killing.” Seungmin snarls at him, looking terrifyingly like a wolf that it makes Hyunjin blink hard. 

“You aren’t in any position to give me any orders.” Seungmin says. He’s moving towards the cot, eyeing Hyunjin with the ferocity of a corned wild animal. 

“Why do you kill all of your victims?”

Seungmin frowns. “Because I’m a hero and they deserve to die-” “ _No_ , Seungmin you didn't understand the question. Most of your assignments ask for you to bring your villain to jail, where the court decides their sentence. There has never been one time where you left your victim alive.”

Seungmin scoffs. “Victim? I am not the victim, Hwang Hyunjin, I’m the one who is helping purge the city.” Hyunjin seeths. “Seventy five percent of those villains are thieves, people who stole to _survive_. They would all get about a year in prison, maybe more and then be let out. There is no reason to kill the innocent thieves who merely got caught doing something they weren’t supposed to. 

“They’re _criminals_ who disobeyed the law, Hyunjin. They will never learn. _Never_ .” Hyunjin smirked. _Check._

“That applies the same to you, then.” Hyunjin says. He eats the last slice of the apple, biting into it with a satisfying _crunch_. The most basic pleasures are usually the best, and Hyunjin would be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy scolding a multi millionaire for his crimes.” There’s another kind of satisfaction when you’re right, a burning kind of satisfaction that drives you forwards and brings you back at the same time. 

Seungmin’s eyes follow the path of the apple. 

“What?” He asks, removing his gaze from the apple slice as Hyunjin’s plush lips wrap around it in a way that shouldn’t be as distracting as it is. 

“You’re a murderer, Seungmin. You’re addicted to death.” 

Seungmin laughs. It’s a harsh sound, bouncing around the shitty one room apartment. Hyunjin finds it pleasing, although that might just be because he’s heard it so many times. Seungmin is beautiful, even as a villain. 

“I am not addicted to death. If I were, then you would be dead right now.” Hyunjin smiles slightly, lips pulling up. “That’s because I’m already dead, Seungmin. You haven’t had the chance to kill me, and your soul knows that.”

Seungmin frowns. “What are you talking about? You aren’t dead, you’re perfectly fine. You still have blood and a brain and perfectly functioning organs, and-” Seungmin licks his lips unconsciously as the haze begins to cloud his beautiful eyes. 

Hyunjin snaps his long fingers together. The sound reverberates around the room and successfully snaps Seungmin out of his reverie. 

“Do you see, Seungmin? Do you finally understand how messed up all this is? As you _said_ , criminals will never learn. Just because you work as a hero doesn’t mean you _are_ one.” Seungmin rolled his eyes. “And? What’s going to happen to me? I only kill criminals. There’s nothing wrong with that.” Hyunjin slumped back into his cot. “There _is_ something wrong with that, Seungmin, but we’ll talk about that later. You’re going to end up..killing someone important. You’re going to end up killing like an important political figure, and then you will _die_.”

Seungmin’s eyes have hardened into steel. Hyunjin doesn’t know whether Seungmin is listening to him or not. For both of their sakes, he hopes that he is. 

“Why do care if I die or not, Hyunjin? What if I want to die and this is all a ploy to get someone to finally kill me because all I do is murder others? What if I’m slowly dying on the inside and no one can see why? Then what?” Seungmin’s voice is strangely desolate. Hyunjin hopes that it’s a depersonalization moment for him, that Seungmin is finally looking at his entire situation through someone else’s eyes. 

“Then you need to talk to someone to get it all figured out.” Hyunjin says softly, moving his hand a bit closer to Seungmin’s. Seungmin moves his hand closer as well. 

“Why do you care?” Seungmin asks. It’s strange seeing him like this, curled up into a tiny ball on a cot. It’s unusual to see him not surrounded by his riches or his adoring fans for once. 

Hyunjin smiles slyly at him, moving onto the other cot and into Seungmin’s lap. Seungmin’s eyes widen, and Hyunjin can see his reflections in his eyes. “I’ve been keeping an eye on you, Seungmin.” he whispers. 

His bandage is leaking and they both can feel it, feel his bare chest against Seungmin’s clothed one. There’s blood on Seungmin’s hands and in his hair but none of them really care. 

Hyunjin leans forward so that their lips are inches apart. 

“I find you to be _very_ interesting.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and thats chapter one! like wave, this will have a couple chapters, i'm thinking about...five? anyways i hoped you liked it!!  
> drop a comment it'll make me very happy lmao and i'll always reply if you want!!
> 
> stay safe <3
> 
> SSP:  
> \- read you're my wave (crash your lips upon mine) !! the second part will be out some time soon, either while I'm still writing this or after!  
> thank you!


	2. Hear Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I don’t want you to see anyone other than me.” Hyunjin whispers. He knows that Seungmin is above him, can feel the breath washing over his face. He shouldn’t be doing this. Seungmin is the most dangerous person he’s ever met. He shouldn’t be trusting him like this. He shouldn’t be opening himself up for him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi hello how are you?  
> this is a mess! yay! only like the first two paragraphs are edited! we die like the idiots we are woo!
> 
> have fun~

“You need to retire.”

Hyunjin’s wound is bandaged again. The blood on both their hands is washed away, leaving their skin scrubbed and pink. 

Hyunjin is lying on Seungmin’s lap, head tucked in safely in the space between the hero’s thighs. There’s a lingering thought at the back of his mind, Seungmin could kill him, _easily_ , but somehow Hyunjin knows that he isn’t going to . Where he got that trust, he doesn’t know. He doesn’t want to, for fear that the trust will suddenly vanish, leaving him with nothing more than a killer. 

Seungmin’s much more cooperative now, no more fighting Hyunjin’s words.(Although that might have been because Hyunjin had pinned him down and kissed him until he _couldn’t_ possibly fight,letting Seungmin release his pent up frustration in more...enjoyable ways.)

Hyunjin doesn’t quite know why Seungmin likes to kill so much, but he knows that..the urge only comes around when Seungmin’s on the field, when he knows he’s getting _paid_ for what he does. Hyunjin supposes that Seungmin’s common sense hasn’t _quite_ filtered out of his brain yet, and that’s why he doesn’t go on killing sprees around the city. (He’s very close to doing exactly that, however, which is exactly why Hyunjin is in this position. And also because Hyunjin has had four years of psych classes that he never got to use, and because he has no form of self preservation or life skills. He’s always been adventurous, although this time he may have bitten more than he can chew.)

“No.” Seungmin says, brown eyes looking down firmly at Hyunjin. It’s funny how Seungmin thinks he can control every situation that he’s in. Funny because Hyunjin knows that _Seungmin_ knows he won’t get that kind of control with him.“I’m not retiring.” “Yes you are.” Hyunjin said. “If you continue like this you’ll never recover.” “There isn’t anything to recover from.” The words are hissed out, but Hyunjin knows that Seungmin is worried, can tell from the way his words are slightly lilted at the end, truth coming out from a closet of lies. 

“I thought we established this.” Hyunjin sighs in exaggerated disappointment, looking up at Seungmin’s jaw. Seungmin’s handsome, he knows, but it still amazes him every time he sees the other. Sharp jawline, flawless, honey-toned skin, and dark red hair. 

“You have enough money to survive without working for the rest of your life, Seungmin.” Hyunjin says, reaching up and running a hand through Seungmin’s bright hair. It’s soft and smooth, well cared for, a stark difference to Hyunjin’s own hair, which is long, messy and rough. (And tied back into a small bun with a hair tie he snagged off a girl’s wrist.)

“You shouldn’t risk it anymore, Seungmin.” Hyunjin whispers. “It won’t end well. Not for you, not for me.” Seungmin’s fingers clench into tight fists. White marks begin to appear on his palms, carved in by his manicured fingernails. “Being a hero, has always been my dream, Hyunjin. I’m not going to let something this small take that away from me.” His voice is lilting yet again. 

Hyunjin sighs, running a finger over Seungmin’s knuckles. “You can always go back to being a hero after you fix this, Seungmin. If it really _is_ something ‘this small’, then it shouldn’t take that much time to get over, right?” 

Seungmin’s eyes droop, and his entire posture wilts. Hyunjin would almost feel bad for him, if not for the fact that Seungmin brought this upon himself. “Why are you helping me?” Seungmin asks, resuming his previous activity of stroking Hyunjin’s hair. Why _is_ Hyunjin helping him?

“So you don’t kill someone I care about.” Hyunjin says. It’s blunt, he knows, but saying anything but the truth in this situation could be catastrophic. Hyunjin likes to take risks. What would life be without them? Seungmin’s fingers stop working at his hair for a second, but resume afterwards. “Oh.”

Hyunjin hums, closing his eyes and enjoying Seungmin’s thin fingers working through the knots in his hair. “You should go to a therapist, Seungmin.” He says. Seungmin makes a displeased sound, the vibrations of it running through his body. Hyunjin can feel the tremors from where he’s pressed up against the younger. 

“I can’t help you much, you know.” Hyunjin says. “You might not recover in a long time.” Seungmin shudders, face suddenly inches from Hyunjin’s own. “It’s not the fact that I don’t want to recover quickly, because I do, and I know that it’ll take time.” Hyunjin stares up at him, at those beautiful brown eyes that are rigged with pain. “Then?” Hyunjin runs a thumb over Seungmin’s lips, feeling the way they quiver underneath him. 

“I don’t want to see other people besides you.” Seungmin whispers. Hyunjin hates how good Seungmin smells, hates how Seungmin is _that_ much better than him, in nearly every way possible. 

Hyunjin hates Seungmin in a way he shouldn’t. 

“I don’t want you to see anyone other than me.” Hyunjin whispers. He knows that Seungmin is above him, can feel the breath washing over his face. He shouldn’t be doing this. Seungmin is the most dangerous person he’s ever met. He shouldn’t be trusting him like this. He shouldn’t be opening himself up for him. 

And yet, there is no way that Hwang Hyunjin can resist Kim Seungmin.

Hyunjin tilts his face up, meeting his lips with Seungmin’s. Seungmin’s nearly bent over in half in his need to kiss the man under him. 

Hyunjin knows it’s almost time for Jeongin to come home, which means that if they continue, there is a great chance of them getting caught by his little brother, which is _not_ desirable. He pushes the thought aside in favor of maneuvering Seungmin over him, so that his body is in between Seungmin’s thighs.

“What are you doing to me, Kim Seungmin?” Hyunjin asks, muttering the words into Seungmin’s lips. He can feel the other’s heartbeat against his own, so utterly _human_ that it doesn’t make any sense. 

Seungmin kisses him softly. “I should be asking _you_ that, Hwang Hyunjin. I’ve been watching you, you know. You aren’t subtle at all.” Hyunjin smirks. “So your glances weren’t secret?” Seungmin rolls his eyes, eyes hardening. “Of _course_ they weren’t, Hyunjin. I’ve known from the very start. You’re _mine_.”

And so it begins. 

\---

Jeongin doesn’t walk in on them, luckily, but he comes extremely close. They had just rolled off of each other when the door to Hyunjin’s apartment opened with a creak, Jeongin’s black hair peeking through. 

His uniform is all scuffed up again, probably from another one of the stupid bullies that he encounters at school. They make Hyunjin’s blood boil, and he wants nothing more than to slap them all across their face and throw them to the bears. Sadly, the PTA board moms will be after his ass if he even lays a finger on their precious little loaves of bread. Hopefully they’ll become close enough with Seungmin to fend them off somehow. After all, who _ever_ would disobey the number one hero of all time?

Hyunjin realizes that Jeongin is much too skinny. His uniform is practically hanging off his skinny frame, cheekbones much too prominent to be healthy. His collarbones stick out slightly under his uniform. 

Jeongin’s tired eyes look between Hyunjin and Seungmin, bony hand wrapped around another smaller one. His features seem to morph into different expressions, from scared to wary to disappointed to acceptance. 

He doesn’t say a word, just kicks off his gray shoes and drags his friend inside. Felix stumbles forward, one lithe arm holding a large bag close to his chest. Seungmin stiffens next to Hyunjin, grasping Hyunjin’s hand and squeezing it tight. 

Jeongin’s eyes widen, but he shakes his apparent surprise off in favor of settling down on _Hyunjin’s_ cot, as his own is occupied by his brother and the number one rich prick in the country. Wonderful. 

Felix shyly shuffles forward, dropping down next to Jeongin on the floor, pushing the bag towards Hyunjin and Seungmin. 

No one talks. 

The air in the tiny space is different than usual, stifling and hot but cold at the same time. Hyunjin’s never felt it before. He doesn’t really like it. 

“What’s _he_ doing in here, hyung?” 

Ah. Hyunjin hasn’t seen Jeongin mad in a long time. Usually he’s fussing over random wounds littered over Hyunjin’s body and studying. They both don’t have enough time or energy for extra feelings. Especially not anger. 

It’s been a long time since they’ve been human enough to feel. 

Hyunjin doesn’t fear Jeongin’s anger. He welcomes it, in fact, because anger means that Jeongin feels. He hasn’t been able to feel for a long time. This is good. 

“It’s complicated, Jeongin?” Hyunjin answers, drinking a sip more of water. His side feels _much_ better- Seungmin is strangely good at wrapping wounds, but that comes from hero work. “We have lots of time, hyung.” Hyunjin nods thoughtfully. “That’s good Jeongin. Are you angry?” Jeongin frowns. “Yes. Yes I am. What about you, hyung?” Hyunjin points to Seungmin. “He makes me feel. He needs help. We’re keeping him.”

Jeongin’s eyes whip over to Seungmin, who looks at him, back pin straight. There’s a tremor in his lips and a dull ferocity in his eyes. It’s so inexplicably _Seungmin_ that Hyunjin doesn’t know what to feel. 

“He’s one of _them_ , hyung.” Hyunjin nods. He expected this. Jeongin’s always been the wary one of their pair. Being best friends with Felix, a shy clumsy boy, made it even worse. “I know, Jeongin. But I trust him.” “How can you trust him, hyung he-” “Hyunjin makes me feel too.” 

Seungmin bows his head. “I haven’t felt properly in a long time. But...Hyunjin’s trying to help me, and I would appreciate it very much.” Jeongin’s glare fades back into the tired dull face he’s had for the past year. Hyunjin hates it. 

Felix looks between them nervously, tiny fingers unwrapping the knot on top of the bag. He pulls out containers of home cooked food, distributing them evenly between them. He looks guiltily at Seungmin and pushes his own food towards the hero. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t think that we would have been guests.” Seungmin’s eyes widen, and he panics, shaking his head furiously and pushing the container back to its owner.

“No, no, don’t worry. I have plenty of food at home. Please, do eat.” Felix tries to argue but Seungmin’s voice hardens and he pushes back, more forcefully this time. “Eat.” Felix gasps a little, but eats it anyways, eyeing Seungmin carefully. 

“My name is Felix.” Felix says, smiling good naturedly at Seungmin. Seungmin smiles tightly back. They continue in silence. 

After the three finish their meal, Seungmin speaks. “I...understand that I need to take a break. I’m not going to be retiring, but I’ll issue out a formal letter to the media.” He looks around the crumbling apartment. “And you three should move in with me.” Hyunjin perks up with interest. “What?” “I need to find a way to repay you, and you all don’t deserve this poverty.” 

Hyunjin knows that it’s also partly because Seungmin would rather drop dead than spend more time in his apartment. It’s a stark contrast to the mansion the hero owes. Hyunjin grins and thanks Seungmin profusely, watching the stoic face flush red under the faint lights overhead. They’re going to get out of the apartment. They’re out. They won’t have to worry about food or heating or paying the bills anymore. Jeongin will be able to eat, he’ll have proper clothes, he’ll have _everything_. 

Jeongin’s face splits out into a huge smile at the words, cheering softly as he leans against Felix. Felix wraps an arm around the younger, pulling him into his side possessively. Hyunjin’s eyes flash. He can’t get mad. It’s not Felix’s fault that he’s had to be the elder brother for Jeongin, nor is it his fault that Hyunjin, like their parents, has practically been nonexistent throughout Jeongin’s life. 

He doesn’t think about how he reminds himself of their parents. 

“Wait, what are you even doing for him anyways, Hyunjin hyung?” Seungmin’s face falls. “You must know about my...killing addiction thing. He’s helping me get over it.” Jeongin gasps in understanding. “Ohh. Hyung, you’re finally going to use all of that experience of yours? This is basically a job!”

Hyunjin grins. He hadn’t thought about it that way. What he’s doing _does_ seem like a job, except instead of being paid money, he’s being paid with a place to stay and food. He’s not sure what’s better, but at least Jeongin will finally be able to live the proper life he deserves. 

\---

Seungmin appears on television. He looks tired, open, raw. He’s vulnerable, red hair hanging over his bare face. Seungmin looks ages older than he is. Somehow, Hyunjin still thinks he looks beautiful. Hyunjin, Jeongin, and Felix are watching him from the tv in Seungmin’s living room. Hyunjin’s never seen a TV that big before. Everything is..so _new_ , so big, so expensive. 

Hyunjin _loves_ it.

“I would like to say that this is no one’s fault but my own. I have not been keeping track of my personal health, and have let it get much out of hand. Blame no one but me. I will continue to pay my workers, but are sending them all home. I would like to repeat that I am not retiring, but merely taking a break in order to recover.”

Seungmin makes Hyunjin want to worship him, succumb to him, just feel _him_. Seungmin demands the utmost respect and attention, from the dark brown of his eyes to the bright red of his hair. 

Hyunjin’s known from the start that he was going to get trapped in Seungmin’s orbit, and yet, here he is, under the younger’s watchful eye. 

“I would like to thank all the people that helped me rise to where I am today. I am not trying to dishonor them. Again, I am not retiring. I will return to my duties whenever I see fit. This city can survive without it’s hero for a few months. Thank you for your time.”

Hyunjin can feel Seungmin’s gaze through the TV, can feel the gaze burning into him. He wonders why he ever wanted anything else _but_ him. He watches as Seungmin bows respectfully to all the cranky old men and women, watches as they all seem to watch the hero with disgust. 

A flame of fury rises up within Hyunjin. They have _no right_ to be looking at Seungmin that way. Absolutely none, when he has every right (Hyunjin knows, he’s checked Z’s law book a thousand times just to be sure.) to take a break for his _health_. 

Jeongin’s bristling next to him, eyebrows furrowed and face scrunched up in anger. “Did you _see_ the way they were looking at him?” He growls, hands clenched into fists. Hyunjin can see Felix run a hand through Jeongin’s hair soothingly out of the corner of his eye. “They all looked at him like he was a piece of shit, hyung! None of those people think mental health is real _at all_.”

Jeongin isn’t wrong. There’s been a rise in mental health awareness recently. This country has never been particularly _outstanding_ with their healthcare, unlike the pompous pricks from A, but they’ve always had enough support to cover the entire population. 

Now, with the rise in depression, anxiety, and other disorders and a lack in therapists and doctors who know psychology-

They don’t have anything for a piece of mind. They _would_ , if politics wasn’t run by old rich people in fancy suits and even fancier wives, and was instead run by the people who actually _knew_ the new generation, but the boomers had a vice like grip on their spots. 

Jeongin shakes next to him. He’s always been the angrier one between the two of them. The emotional one. Hyunjin? Hyunjin never cared in the first place. He cares even less now. 

But maybe that would change. 

Out of the corner of his eye, Hyunjin watches as Felix soothes Jeongin into a subtle rage, pressing tiny fingers against the crown of his brother’s head. 

\---

“You really did it.” Hyunjin croons, wrapping his arms around Seungmin’s neck, welcoming him into the house. Seungmin nods, keeping a tight grasp on Hyunjin as he meets their lips hungrily. Jeongin and Felix are at school for a project, but Hyunjin likes to think that they left to give them privacy. Much needed privacy, seeing from the reporters flocked outside their door. 

They were alone, now that Seungmin had sent all his workers home. The mansion was glaringly empty, devoid of the people that used to stay there. It’s much more comfortable this way for Hyunjin, being one of the only ones to be surrounded with the younger’s _hard earned_ riches. 

Seungmin slid off his shoes and backed Hyunjin against the wall, loosening his tie as he did so. Hyunjin was just in a loose t-shirt and shorts, a stark contrast to Seungmin’s prim proper suit. 

Hyunjin’s back hits the wall next to the grandfather clock where they met, yet again. It was never a fight between them, no. Hyunjin always took what Seungmin gave, letting him take _control_. Full and complete control. Hyunjin’s eyes widen. 

Hyunjin leaned back, pressing further into the wall as he gasped for air. It was addicting, feeling Seungmin’s thin lips on his, feeling the way the hero dominated him so _well_ , tongue licking Hyunjin’s lips before pulling back to gaze at him hungrily. 

There’s a darkness in Seungmin’s eyes that feels out of place. It doesn’t seem to _fit_ with the rest of Seungmin, who wears pastel sweaters and light washed jeans from the _women's_ section of their department store. (Another thing widely frowned upon by the older generations, although the backlash was significantly less when Seungmin was a hero.)

Seungmin’s red hair usually frames his pace innocently, making his features look puppy-like and cute off duty. 

However, today, his hair is slicked back and dark with gel. 

Now-now he looks like a wolf hunting down his prey. Hyunjin loves it. But then again, Hyunjin’s addicted to almost every part of Seungmin. He smiles into the kiss, running a hand over the clock next to him. It glints in the light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: has never kissed anyone  
> also me: hEY LETS WRITE A BUNCH OF SCENES WITH SEUNGJIN MAKING OUT CAUSE WHY NOT AND WE'LL PRETEND THAT IT'S ALL ACCURATE HAHAH  
> OKAY I FORGOT To ADD THIS BUT IF YOU CAN GUESS WHERE THIS IS SET (the country) AND WHAT EXACTLY IS WRONG WITH SEUNGMIN YOU GET CHEESECAKE AND EXTRA BROWNIE POINTS OKAY SO COMMENT 
> 
> but ye rip. anyways hope you enjoyed this mess! i have nothing planned out! wonderful! amazing! the only thing i know im going to write is seungjin making out some more because i love that, we love that, everyone loves that woo! anyways easy choreo is easily (hehe) my favorite choreo ever like YANG JEONGIN TF NO NO NO THATS NOT ALLOWED AND LEE MINHO HECKKK (THE DP WITH THE SLEEVELESS SHIRTS LIKE CHAN WHY WHY WHYYYY) *ahem* "lets bang bang chan" ;) *winkity wonkity*  
> if you have any plot ideas or things yall want then pls do tell me! ao3 has a like, subscribe and comment i didnt know this is it youtube but for idiots like us???? 
> 
> ANYWAYS COMMENT I NEED VALIDATION PLEEEEASEEEEEE thank you *bows*
> 
> stay safe and read my other fics! <3


	3. Tell Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i swear this is such a mess  
> it's like really choppy cause I had some trouble with the scenes but I tried *sigh* anyways  
> have fun~

It’s exactly one week later when they finally talk to each other. The past seven days have been full of them skirting around each other in the vast hallways as they think about what the both of them are doing. It’s awkward and it’s painful and Hyunjin  _ hates  _ it. He’s never felt this empty before, knowing that Seungmin is  _ right there _ . It’s stupid. (Seungmin is so close but so far at the same time, the definition of a paradox that has plagued people for centuries. Seungmin _himself_ is a paradox, a hero with a need to kill. Hyunjin despises contradictions.)

(They're never done him any good.)

He manages to corner Seungmin (literally) on the beige sofa, leaning over him so that Seungmin can’t escape. In his mind, it was a fool proof plan. Because who was going to react negatively to him pinning over a couch? (A lot of people, actually, but Hyunjin's been hoping that Seungmin isn't like those people.)

And he isn't. 

Not really. 

Hyunjin wasn’t..he wasn’t expecting _anything_ when he cornered the younger. At the very least annoyance and sarcasm, maybe even a punch or two. (He's _hoping_ for kisses and another one stolen on the couch. It's ridiculously soft.) He most definately didn’t expect the younger to quite literally go  _ feral _ , growling and pinning Hyunjin under him harsly, panting heavily as his eyes focus and unfocus. He’s a mess and Hyunjin hasn’t even  _ done _ anything to him, something that  would be hot if not for the fact that it’s absolutely terrifying. He looks like a wild animal. Hyunjin's scared. 

Hyunjin’s never seen Seungmin like this, has never seen him this out of it before. It’s scary. Seungmin’s breathing heavily, chest rising and falling with both the mental and physical toll of being trapped by Hyunjin. 

Hyunjin tries to get up, but Seungmin’s arms are firmly locked on his, preventing the taller one from moving. Hyunjin decides to let him be. They need to figure out what’s happening together. 

“Seungmin?” Hyunjin says, softly. “Are you okay?” Seungmin shudders, fingers curling around Hyunjin’s skinny biceps. “I...I don’t know what happened.” Hyunjin’s eyes soften. “It’s okay.” He means it. It's okay. It's really not his fault. It's not. “What if I had hurt you?” Seungmin shuts his eyes tightly, whimpering. 

“Then I’ll get hurt. You can never kill me, Seungmin.” 

They know he's right. 

Seungmin’s breath washes over Hyunjin’s collarbones, and Hyunjin is once again reminded of how  _ perfect _ Seungmin is. How perfectly his body is sculpted, how tiny his waist it, how it looks wonderfully small adorned with diamonds that he's earned all by himself. How he never seems to be out of place in this mansion of his, how he has so much _money_ and wears it so well. 

“How do you know that?” Hyunjin lifts a wavering hand to the crown of Seungmin’s head, testing the boundaries. Nothing changes. “You don’t have it in you to kill me. Your brain will always stop for me, Seungmin. It’ll be able to control itself around me.”  
Seungmin relaxes, tension escaping from his shoulders at the word. HE looks at him, meaning apparant his eyes, and finally, Hyunjin thinks he understands. Understands a little bit more of what Seungmin has been trying to tell him for so long. 

“We need to talk.” 

(Why can't they kiss instead?)

(Because talking is important.)

(So is making out!)

(Communication is key, especially with these cases.)

(Communication with your lips.)

(Communication with words so that _nothing_ goes amiss. You can kiss him afterwards.)

Seungmin slumps, climbing off of Hyunjin and sliding to the end of the couch. He doesn’t curl up in the corner, instead turning to face him, a hand gripping Hyunjin’s arm when Seungmin tugs him closer forcefully. 

Hyunjin lets himself be manhandled, curling up into Seungmin’s side, letting the younger keep him close with an arm wrapping around his waist. 

Hyunjin’s never done anything like this before, never had a relationship, especially not like this one.  _ Especially not like this one _ .

Seungmin hums, not looking at him. “We do need to talk. What would you like to talk about?” He shouldn't be playing this game now. He shouldn't be playing this game _ever_. It is not a very nice game. Hyunjin huffs out a laugh. “Don’t play innocent Seungmin. We need to talk about whatever-” He gestures between the two of them, gestures to the nonexistent space that separates them. “This is.” What? No. Well, yes. But shouldn't they talk about Seungmin first? 

No. 

He needs to _know_. 

He needs to know what he doesn't know and understand what he already has. 

Hyunjin doesn’t know what everything means. He doesn’t know what the stolen kisses behind closed doors mean, he doesn’t know what the couch make outs mean, he doesn’t know what’s happening with him and Seungmin. He only knows that he  _ wants him _ . But wants him in what way? In which way is Hwang Hyunjin supposed to want Kim Seungmin? In which way is Kim Seungmin supposed to want Hwang Hyunjin? In which _way_ are they supposed to want each other?  


(They're terrible for each other.)

(That will never stop them.)

(Pleasure and pain, what's the difference?)

Seungmin hums. “You’re mine.” Hyunjin frowns. “I’m not yours.” He's not? He thought he was. “You  _ are _ . You're Not anyone else's, you’re only mine. The only one you get to see, the only one you get to kiss, the only one who I can trust.” Seungmin has hsi no-nonsense tone of voice out. He's not kidding. 

Hyunjin tries to wave away the thought. “Okay. Okay, no this- this isn’t working let’s talk about you. Just you. Why did you become a hero? Just so you could kill innocent people?” Hyunjin doesn’t know where all of the anger in his voice is coming from, only knows that he has spent ages watching Seungmin kill innocents and the tug in his gut was the only way of knowing he wasn't a terrible person. He shouldn't be this angry. Why is he this angry? Why does he keep pushing his emotions for Seungmin away when he knows nothing good will come out of it? Since when was Hwang Hyunjin a _coward_?

(Always.)

Seungmin bows his head down slightly, keeping his eyes training on Hyunjin’s hand. He reminds Hyunjin of a scared puppy, except Seungmin isn’t scared. Shouldn’t be scared. And Hyunjin shouldn't ache for his touch as much as he does now. He hates emotions. 

“You’re wrong, you know.” Seungmin says.He’s trying to keep his voice neutral, that Hyunjin can tell, but the slight waver in both his voice and his fingers leaves him unsuccessful in his attempts. Hyunjin wants to give up the facade and wrap him up in his arms, kiss him til he drops and let him know that he's Seungmin's and _only_ Seungmin's. He resists. 

Hyunjin frowns, brows furrowing as he looks at the other. “Wrong? About what?” “I didn’t become a hero just so I could...kill.” Seungmin says, disgust evident in his voice. Hyunjin hasn't heard this tone before. It's new. 

“You didn’t?” 

Seungmin shakes his head.

“I’ve always wanted to be a hero, ever since I was a child. I...I never actually got  _ addicted _ to the killing until a few months after I became a hero. I didn’t have the need or want before I entered the industry.” Hyunjin’s eyes widens. 

_Oh._

This...this is much more complicated than he thought it was. 

“Do you regret being a hero?” He asks. 

Seungmin frowns, lips pursing as he thinks. “I...I don’t know. Now, now I realize that all of those people I killed, they were innocent. They didn’t deserve to die just because I wanted to make sure they didn’t exist ever again.” 

Hyunjin sucks in a breath. “Seungmin...what does that mean?”

Seungmin sniffs suddenly, tears pooling in the corners of his beautiful brown eyes. (People always do say that brown eyes are plain and boring but Hyunjin has never seen eyes prettier than Seungmin's. They remind him of chocolate. Warm and loving one second and dark and bitter the next.)

Hyunjin is taken off guard, because he hasn’t even seen Seungmin  _ crying _ , but then again, emotions like this do come out during confrontation. 

(A confrontation.)

(An initiation.)

(A tragedy.)

(The fall of one of the second most glorious city on Earth.)

(Because of two people.)

“I don’t  _ know  _ why I’m crying and I hate it so  _ much _ . But I also don't know what it means, Hyunjin. I don’t know anything. I don’t know why I feel like this, or why I feel terrified every time I don’t know what’s going to happen.” Seungmin sobs. "I can't help it because I never knew what was wrong with me, because _something_ must be wrong with me for me to be this way. Something must have happened for me to turn out this _broken_. And useless." The words are spat out in disgust, Seungmin scowling.

Hyunjin’s eyes widen in realization (He was right. He's always been right) and he pulls the younger towards him, ignoring the cries of protest, tucking him into his chest.“Hey, hey, hey, it’s okay. It’s okay Seungmin. It’s okay. You’ll be fine, alright? We’ll get through this together.” Hyunjin pressed a kiss to Seungmin’s head, wincing slightly as he did so. They still need to talk about whatever it is that their relationship is, even though Hyunjin doesn’t want to. 

Even though Hyunjin knows that he won’t be able to handle it. Because he knows that Seungmin never means anything that he does to him. 

Hyunjin tenses, looking at the shaking figure in his arms. It’s been obvious from the start, and sure he’s learned about people like Seungmin, but it’s still not something that he can properly wrap around, not something that he knows how to actually  _ fix _ . 

Hyunjin feels like his brain is going to implode from thinking too much and he wants it to  _ stop _ . 

“I can't romance right now.” Hyunjin blurts out. It’s one of the worst things he can blurt out at a time like this, when balance and stability is crucial (even more than it already is). 

He feels Seungmin freeze under him and lift his face up to stare at Hyunjin. 

“What?” 

Hyunjin gulps and moves Seungmin away from him, leaning back as Seungmin stares at him. “I can’t do any kind of romance, not when I’m trying to...help.” Help. _Help_. Why does he sound like such an asshole?

(Because he is one.)

(No he isn't.)  


(Yes he is.)

Seungmin frowns. Hyunjin can hear him thinking. Seungmin nods. “Okay. I don’t think I can do romance. Yes. You're-You're right. Yes. No romance. No feelings attached. Yes.” Hyunjin lets out a relieved sigh. He doesn’t know what’s happening right now, how they managed to jump from one topic to the next without actually  _ addressing _ anything is beyond him. Seungmin and Hyunjin are both a complete mess, but they're still functioning well. 

(No they aren't.)

“Can I still kiss you?” 

( _Please_.)

Seungmin is going to be the  _ death _ of him.

(Take him to hell, he deserves it.)

Hyunjin knows this. He knows this very well. Because both Seungmin and Hyunjin know that he won’t be able to resist him, not when he can look like a puppy and a hot piece of shit at the same time, not when he pouts his lips in the way that makes Hyunjin just want to lean forward and-

And suddenly their lips are attached, Seungmin's long fingers are in Hyunjin’s hair as Hyunjin tugs the younger closer. They should really talk to each other about Seungmin’s control freak tendencies. They really should but they aren't and none of them care. 

Hyunjin hasn’t felt anything like this before, hasn’t felt such strong  _ emotions _ for someone. He hates it now. He hates it because he knows that Seungmin doesn’t feel the same kind of emotions for him that he does for him. 

Fuck. 

Hyunjin shoves Seungmin away, the other’s back landing harshly on the armrest of the couch that's behind him. Seungmin frowns, opening his mouth to say something, but Hyunjin cuts him off. 

“I..we, we need to talk about your thing, Seungmin.” Hyunjin says, eyes trained on the dark fabric of his pants. There are a few strands that are worn out, fraying at the ends. Hyunjin picks at them, unraveling the black thread even more. He can feel Seungmin’s gaze on him, all of the hate and pain and sadness trained on his skinny body.

(He hates it.)

He can’t figure out why Seungmin feels so strongly for him. 

Seungmin nods, averting his eyes from the taller. “Okay. Tell me.” Hyunjin’s eyes soften. He looks so small in front of him, shrinking into himself as he tries to escape the weight of Hyunjin’s words. 

“I..don’t know the proper word for it, actually.” Hyunjin whispers. Whispering seems fitting in this situation. Like the words will weigh less if they speak in a lower volume. “But, you have problems with control.” Hyunjin frowned. “No. Well, no. Or I don’t really  know .” Hyunjin sighs. Seungmin looks up at him, puzzled. Hyunjin catches sight of a diamond necklace hanging from his neckline and gulped slightly.  _ Diamonds _ ? Diamonds. Of course. 

(They're so pretty.)  


(Just like Seungmin.)

“But you don’t like it when you aren’t in control of a situation, or when you don’t know what’s going to happen. I guess you could think of it as a control freak...but more.” Seungmin nodded, playing with his fingers. His foot was touching Hyunjin’s, the small contact sending sparks along Hyunjin’s body. 

“So...the villains? They were just me thinking that the villains would be out for revenge and would try to kill me after they escaped from prison so I just got rid of them so I could be at peace of mind?”

Hyunjin flinches. He had not been expecting that, even though he probably should have. It makes perfect sense. Perfect, _perfect_ sense. 

(This is why.)

“Well, that’s what I thought, yes, but it seems to be true?” Hyunjin questioned, letting Seungmin nod as an answer to his question. 

Seungmin clenches his fists. “Yes. Now what do we do?” Hyunjin smiles at him, confidence returning to him in bursts. He leans closer to Seungmin, suddenly unafraid of his feelings and the lack of Seungmin’s. He can always deal with that later. 

“We help each other, Seungmin. Help.” Seungmin looks at him, pain in his eyes now that everything is written out. “How?”

Hyunjin smiles, tracing Seungmin’s jaw with a hand. “First. You  _ let go _ .”

Their lips meet with the knowledge that they both are doing something terrible. They don’t care, taking it other in ways that shouldn’t have been born. 

(Stop them.)

(They'll crash and burn.)

( _Stop._ )

\---

Jeongin leans his head against Felix’s shoulder, exhaling softly. Felix smiles at the younger and runs a hand through his black hair. “Are you okay?” Jeongin shrugs. 

“I’m not really sure.” Felix hums, turning back to his phone, still playing with Jeongin’s hair mindlessly. “Penny for your thoughts?” Jeongin cuddles closer to him, turning his head and pouting at his boyfriend. “How about a kiss instead?” Felix giggles, turning his phone off and pressing a chaste kiss to Jeongin’s lips. 

Once he pulls back, Jeongin pouts harder but starts talking anyways. “It’s just...Hyunjin hyung. I don’t know what to think of him.” Felix nods. “And I really don’t know what he and Seungmin hyung’s relationship is, because I don’t know  _ why _ hyung’s doing this.”

“For money?” Felix asks. It’s blunt, and in most cases, will certainly be considered rude, but..he’s known Hyunjin and Jeongin for ages. He knows them better than they know themselves and if there’s something Felix is sure of, it’s that there are  _ many _ opportunities associated with Kim Seungmin. And he also knows that Jeongin isn’t blind nor an idiot. 

Jeongin makes a displeased sound, turning his head and burying it in Felix’s neck. Jeongin has a habit of just  _ melting _ into Felix’s arms whenever the older hugs him, something that has proven to be absolutely adorable. (Jeongin also knows how to use those puppy eyes of his very, very well, and has taken  _ complete _ advantage of his control.)

“You know that’s one of the reasons, no matter how terrible it is. You know your brother, Jeongin, you know him well. There isn’t any point in trying to hide.”

Jeongin sighs. “You’re right, I suppose. I just don’t want it to be true, you know?” Felix nods in agreement. “None of us want it to be true, Jeongin. Hopefully he’ll be able to get to his senses and stop whatever it is that he’s doing before, well…” “Before they fall in love with each other and he breaks Seungmin’s heart and then stomps on it waving his hundred dollar bills around?”

Felix sighs. “Yes. That. Why do you think they’re going to fall in love?” Jeongin shrugs. “It’s more of a feeling. They’re opposite similarities, Felix. There is a very high chance that they’re going to fall in love, or at least feel  _ some  _ kind of attraction towards each other.”

Felix presses another kiss to his lips. “You’re so smart.” Jeongin giggles. “No, I just read too many books, hyung.” Felix coos and pulls the younger into his lap, pinching his cheeks. “Why are you so cute?” Jeongin grins. “Hyunjinnie hyung isn’t cute anymore, so I have to be double the cute to make up for his loss.” Felix squeals, hugging Jeongin tightly to his chest. “My adorable Innie.” “Your adorable Innie.” Jeongin agrees, squirming happily in Felix’s hold. 

“Do you think Seungmin hyung will be alright?” Jeongin asks. Felix presses a kiss to Jeongin’s forehead. “Yes. Hyunjin is fairly good with people when he actually  _ tries _ , we both know that, Jeongin. And I’m sure he’s going to put in extra effort for Kim Seungmin, whether or not it be for the wrong reasons.”

Jeongin hates that he’s fine with his brother doing this. Hates that they’re able to live in a mansion now, a  _ huge _ step from their shitty apartment before. He hates that he likes everything like this. Hates that there is now stability in his life. 

He doesn’t know what to do anymore. The last point of time where he had any semblance of stability was when he was a child, the memory fresh enough in his mind to hurt but too old to fully embrace. 

It’s contradictions like this that make his life topsy turvy, contradictions like this that make Lee Felix and Yang Jeongin themselves. 

\---

“Baby steps.” Hyunjin says. “Baby steps. That’s what we’ll be doing, okay? We’ll take our time. Okay?”

Seungmin’s wrapped up in his arms, facing away from him in his lap. It’s a position that makes Seungmin the vulnerable one out of the pair, but still allows Seungmin plenty of opportunities to keep Hyunjin in check if he  _ does _ try to attack. He knows he won’t. 

(Will he?)  


(No he won't.)

But his brain doesn’t like to work with what’s there in front of it. It keeps telling him to stop trusting this one, to eradicate him so that he doesn’t have a chance to hurt Seungmin like everyone else did. 

It tells him to stop kissing him like he’s the beginning of Seungmin’s life. It tells him to turn off his feelings and throw them to the stars so that no one will be able to touch him. It tells him that Hwang Hyunjin, the man whom he has seen everyday for the past three months in some way, shape or form. 

It tells him to take that knife hidden in the waistband of his pants and to  _ use _ it, to make sure it completes its part in Seungmin’s life. 

(Take it.)

(Don't. Think of Hyunjin. Think of Hyunjin. He's your only chance at survival. Your. Only. Chance.)

Seungmin doesn’t realize he’s shaking until he feels Hyunjin rock him back and forth like a baby. Strangely enough, it feels comforting, smelling the soft lavender of Hyunjin’s body. He’s pressed against a warm torso, even breaths hitting the shell of his ear. Seungmin matches his breathing to Hyunjin’s without asking, the older man humming in reassurement as he begins to rock him in time to their breathing. 

Slowly it works. Seungmin calms down enough for Hyujin to stop rocking him, even though he feels strangely empty without the soothing motion. 

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

(Shouldn't you be?)

“I think you should take away my weapons.” Seungmin whispers, cringing as he does so.

( _No._ )

(Yes.)

His knives are his one lasting source of comfort. He’s had the same ones on him for years now, ever since he’s gotten into hero work, no, ever since he was brave enough to venture out into the world by himself. 

He feels safe with them. 

Then again, he also feels like taking them and slitting someone’s throat, so even though  _ he _ feels safe with them, other people most certainly do not. (But still, it’s not like anyone  _ knows _ how many knives he has on him.)

“Your weapons.” Hyunjin states. Yes. Seungmin’s weapons. “Okay. Let’s go one at a time. How do you feel with all of your knives on you?”

“Safe. It’s comforting. It’s reassuring that they will never fail me because they are inanimate objects.” 

Hyunjin nods, closing his eyes and breathing in deeply. Seungmin leans back subtly, chasing the whiffs of lavender he gets from the older. How is he so  _ warm _ ?

“I also have this urgent want to take them out and slit your throat and then run away to J forever, so I don’t think they’re good for me.” Seungmin adds. It’s the first time he’s admitted to both himself  _ and _ Hyunjin that something may not be good for him. Hyunjin smiles. Development. Kim Seungmin Development. 

“You understand. That’s good. That’s very good, Seungminnie, good job.” Hyunjin coos, turning Seungmin around and wrapping his arms around the smaller boy. He doesn't know where the compliments are coming from, nor the tone of voice, but for some reason he feels that it’ll fit. 

It does. 

Seungmin blushes, cheeks reddening a beautiful red as he looks down. “Thank you,” He whispers. Hyunjin’s eyes soften and he presses a soft kiss to Seungmin’s forehead. Seungmin can feel Hyunjin’s heart beat faster as he does so, and a warm feeling stirs inside of him. “Thank you.” Once again, for good measure. 

Hyunjin pulls away, holding out his hand in front of Seungmin. Seungmin stares at it. He’s never loved and hated a hand this much before. It’s Hyunjin’s hand, though, so the love plays out much more than the hate. 

Seungmin’s own hands are shaky, shaky with nerves and oncoming tears as he reaches into his waistband and pulls out his knife. 

The tears start once his hands wrap around the hilt and Seungmin shudders, whimpering as he slowly pulls it out. It’s hard  _ so hard _ not to use it, to control the urges that have been evoked within him. 

Hyunjin watches him with pained eyes, unable to move as he watches Seungmin struggle. Seungmin needs to do this by himself. By himself. Hyunjin won’t be able to do anything for him now. 

Seungmin's breath increases, pulling the knife out slowly. He manages to fully extract it from his waistband, the golden blade shining in the lights of the chandelier above. 

_ Kim Seungmin _

His name is engraved onto the blade in dainty cursive, wobbly at the end with a miniscule black heart. 

Hyunjin’s palm doesn’t waver as Seungmin slowly places the blade in his hand, shooting away once it is fully set. 

Hyunjin looks up at Seungmin, something unreadable in his eyes. 

“Thank you.”

(Tell me, one last time.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was all written whilst looping lovely so now I'm sad and depressed and crying. and very sleepy. :(   
> lowkey feel like death but whateverrrr anyways I didn't plan anything out like usual, I just added some more angst because we love that! I love writing angst it's so fun to torture readers and cry in the dark of your bed. heh  
> anyways this is like part of my universe and stuff (see the first chap for reference if you haven't already seen the instructions uwu) but like idk this is still a stand alone okay ppl, don't feel like you have to read my other fics because you most definately do not. (although i would appreciate if you did~)
> 
> c o m m e n t   
> i am going to sleep now. and i need to wake up to at least five comments. do you hear me?? F I V E (more is so much better but let's start small, shall we?)
> 
> (no ones forcing you to comment, yall know im kidding even though it would make me the happiest ever uwu)


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